… last moment… last day

04-03-19 … the last day.

IMG_8007Lent 29

“… but raise it up on the last day.” John 6 27-40

There are things which make me smile each moment when I think of them. Some, pretty things. Some not so pretty things. Some, shared moments with beloved L, N, H, M, SS, friends, lovers, kin, nature, immediate family, the music, the whole of creation, … all across the board. Some, just a passing breath, the rising of the sun, a breaking of a wave, holding a child, sitting with the dying, … Then there are the moments where, for that moment, time seemed of seems to stop. Held in forever … a snapshot… and yet, even those memory moments pass away.

It was a long time to hold this set of foundational smiles… That place of … just holding IMG_8009and in the holding, to realize that there are no magic moments… each moment is filled with all creation. Even those moments of missing the mark.

And, in the missing, there is a set of next steps… that place of … just sitting in moment. It, so many times, it is not silent. It is filled with the dancing roar of all creation. … perhaps even the dancing roar of a still small voice… in that all creation.

To be invited in… to that voice, those arms, that eagle’s wing, that sun-rise, that setting and dimming of the day… in the arc of a breath… The awe and blessing of the two mountain ranges in our valley… those who speak across and yet may never meet… Yet, yet are met by the valley crossing between… the whole fabric of earth… a connection. In fluid motion upon the sea of all of the rest of earth. A vision of rising to towering mountain… yet, fluid in the flow of an ever shifting creation.

At the rising… a first day. At the setting… the dimming and the last moment of a last day. And each moment between… a last moment. A last moment and a first moment.

IMG_8008This is not a house with doors … it is a home with many rooms. This is not a house to be possessed… it is a home to come into. It is a warm hearth … the cracking fire… warm and inviting. In the heat, in a loss, in a shift… in a dying down… it is a hearth of comfort. Even when the hearth is … only in minds eye, in a last flicker of the day… in a lenten candle, lighting the retreat cave with … a sudden light in darkness.

For years… this place was a supposed to journey. In this set of last days… it is a welcoming home place. The doors… barely hung… now swing wide in welcome moment.

That place of last to first. That a last breath in one place dances to first breath in that place in renewed dance.

That blessing of closed eyes that open in … in link, in love, in care, in … every moment of the whole of creation. Such grace in the whole of creation. Picking up a mess… in honor of the whole of creation. In the bird song… amen, amen, amen.

03-15-19 Increase and decrease.


Lent 10

“For this reason my joy has been fulfilled. He must increase, but I must decrease.” (from John 3:22-36)

To declare a certain set of moments… In that declaration, that observing, that describing; those moments take on scope, scale and context. They live beyond the moment of coming into being, passing through being and spinning on and away. Even in the taking time to describe, to observe, to muse… the moment lives beyond its arc.

The breath. The beat of the heart. The whole of the heart beat. The whole of the breathing cycle.

When a moment is judged in the context of a larger wave, that moment may be living far beyond its ripple.

Into the dark of this lenten moment, a light is shining. That which would grab and hold moment is given free rein to stand far beyond the moment of existing. Defended as special in the face of the wave of next moment. Held against the rushing tide and wave of time… In that defense, a different ripple comes.

In John being clear that the passage of moment is to allow the breaking wave … the breaking wave and the receding wave … in harmonic dance. When one holds the longer… the rip is inevitable. As with each life… to celebrate arc in place …

So, invited to be in moment. Clear in arc. Celebrating each and all in arc. The link of tide, wave, pulse of breath, beating of heart… these are each the more and the less. Room in pattern for each. Celebration in pattern of each. To hold up one is to hold up the whole of the arc. In gratitude, it is enough. In celebration, it is the small wonder of dawning as the lenten cave invites the breathing, the pulse, the dance of all creation; the dance of all creation.

Open Integration

From What — To What?

When I begin from that place of walking to where I am… this is not an existential experience. It is a finding place for scope, scale and context. It is the rooting place of who, what, where, when, how and why. There is a place that invites a beginning moment.

If all emotion is based in projection, assessment of projection, engaging projection error and then recalibrating the projection so that it more closely responds to experience… and, in that set of practices, a connected and fostering attitude is manifested; a from what is assembled.

Context To
Context and from what … to what.

Gremlins and a journey…

Muray Bowen is responsible for the next image. That dance of triangle that invites the gremilins of guilt and shame… that of not good enough, bad playing… I did something bad… I am bad… Learning to engage in the gremlin dance and once dancing… beginning to be clear about where I live… and in that rooting in place, knowing self the better and the more.

Thank you Murray Bowen

Open and learning — Closed and defending

In hearing a conversation… is it based in yes/and or yes/but? Do the conversants cut off or give a lead for the next round? In participating in policy design, a room design, a song, a creative activity, a walk… in engaging a process; what is my attitude of participation. Are the who, the what, the where… dancing in a shared form? Is the when, the how and the why… in sync, in congruence, in… ?

Does the connective collaboration align and integrate both up and down a power structure? If yes/and, open… if yes/but… a system in defense. A system in decline. It is not black and white… for there are too many varibles of inside/outside, scope/scale, input – process – output…

This multi-variable sense and framing allows a fostering, sustainable system of integrating different levels of competence and structure to flex and dance in the storm. It is where we live in this moment. Well, it is where I find myself living in this moment.

A Spiral Dynamics Flow
A riff on the work of Clare Graves, Chris Cowan, Don Beck, Ken Wilber, and Said Elias Dawlabani

Passing the torch…

It is easy to hold on to a place. Even as the place leaves me. That desparate desire to have a home and a place to belong. To reflect on this sentiment. To own it as a desire.

In recognition, “There are many days that I wish desparately to fit in; to feel as if I belong. And yet, I do not. For to fit in, is too painful to my soul.”

What was a story or narrative of yesterday, a foundation of memories in stone… That castle has crumbled. In the strewn ruble… a wisdom comes from the foundation stones. The anchored ships in resentment bay begin to pull up, to come to harbor, to refit, to renew… to integrate the lessons learning in projection error. In that stripping away, collapse, renewal… there is something else happening. The dance. The pulse of all creation is beating in slow harmony. It never stops. It always pulses… it always invites. Just … for a while, perhaps, a situational deafness has been about. In the renewal in a new dawn… the wisdom and walking through the dark time now breaks as a seed breaks open.

There is a great wisdom in this cycle… a gread and wonderful wisdom.

An image…

Pulling up anchors and refitting… from anchored in, in Resentment Bay to sailing away.

The more I learn… The less I know…

Is - Was
Engaging all of us… where we are… finding interesting moment. In gratitude.

The work … each day. With thanks, humored moment and great appreciation.


Renewing a system…

The process of renewing. We speak of progressive maintaining. We speak of lifecycle cost. We speak of differed Maintenance.  Each has a point of emphasis. Each has a series of underlying narrative that sets the foundation for the analysis that creates a cost benefit.


The elements of linked system are described. The assumptions of each system… described. In that description; the links, foundations, stresses, all of the connected tissue, come to awareness. A series of observations and tests are conducted to assess the connected nature … In planning it would be called nexsus.

Now phases…

Perhaps an element is discovered to have multiple layers of links to a greater and lesser element. Even, in a surprise discovery or enlightened awareness, a connection, thought in one way… emerges in another… This phase of description and discovery give so much granularity and context to the scope and scale of the queries to this complex connection of elements.

There is the from what…

Removing the ‘should of’ –  ‘could of’ – ‘would of’… And the result… the What.

Planning a to what…

Now comes the so what to get in the way or disrupt the jouney or deployment planning… Laughter ensues.

So for the moment… there we leave it… festering in a dance of redux. Gaining energy to burst into next steps…

Bursting into renewing… or finishing the degrade to make room for the renew.


Putting things in context.

There seems to be an interesting issue that popped up today. That amazing moment when, out of the blue, an understanding that as a consultant, I am not following my own rules of setting questions in a context.

The wonder of … the boys and Mr. Bill.

Is it possible to see? After hours of client note input… the realization that the simple contextualization of the questions… who, what, where, when, how and why… was lacking in any sustainable format.

Every once in awhile, the format was grounded in context. Then, off the rails, it shifted to a hazy sense of form and function, simple questions, not anchored in scope, scale and context.

I’m not sure what that means except, once anchored in context, there is another set of clarity. The questions have a there – there to find grounding.

So there it is… a lesson from a rainy day. Anchored in context, a process takes on form and function. In that context, steps to shift, to grow, to find a succession plan, to fund a new endeavor… these all can find a path.

With out context, it is just blather. Actually, even with context it may be blather. That is a different issue. One for another moment. For the moment, it is a deeply felt lesson.